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Anonymous surfer in south-west of France. Photo by C. Naslain, 2016.
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East Up 4 Life! - You boys are all gay as fuck and i'm a tell it straight. When the waves pump we hit the lip, JD, Lance and Pat back up in the beyatch. Straight ripping for life, ain't no looking back and when we ride you see SEAFORTH tatooed on our chest. Getting tubed in the barrell of death, through the land of the scandolous, form martinique to south central eastern passage, home of the crips and the bloods where even the hottest grom gets dropped in upon. And here's a tip for you outta towners, ya best stay in Lawrencetown, you'll get your tourist ass kicked, surfing in our hood. East Coast till the casket drops, we'll be tossing it up, so muthaPhucka EasT Up! Back up, give us room, don't neglect and when we call you of a wave you best respect. And you can forget about the kooks and bitches, where we surf it's only killers, hoochie bitches and hot hydraulic switches allowed, on the turf where the real boys dwell, we got it so sewed up there ain't even real estate for sale, SEAFORTH city the throne we call home, the surfers be so hot you might need your loc's on, to bail through, know us and your in, and we gotta confess up, it's best up, so boys East Up! Now we gotta show ya how SEAFORTH rocks, no razor blades but a couple tricks up our socks, and we be hitting the lip, with the double U sssssss, the sun rises in the EAsT and it sets in the west, no goatee we hit the reef, so hand us your wetsuits when we're in our stocking masks and hoodies, christmas day we're in the bay, while most of you Ontario boys are riding woodies. We don't call it getting tubed, we call it the green room, its our life, our life, our life, our life, in the suuuunshinneeee your longboard ways a ton,how the hell ya think we done won? Now shit can be squashed , if ya buy us some mouthwash, no jokes, in the land of loc's and 100 spokes, in Ontario we can be brothers, but when ya come to Nova Scotia, watch ya muthaphuckin colors! Giveeeeee it uppppp! Giveeee it uppppp! Like that nigga James Brown, me and the boys are putting it down, so Ontario boys be weary, cuz see we represent the city, where you boyz caught surfing, then are left with their brains dripping. City of The Rippers, more like the concrete jungle, full of mexicans, cadillacs and crack sacks, we pledge alligience till the surf till we die, so let the 6'0 merrick slide, and put it down for the East SIde!
By Rons Electric Tuner
Ureal - You guys are un-real. Youve got alot of time on your hands, with your webbed gloves and mom bought cars. Where do you come up with this shit and why bother. If you hate the upper Canadians on your waves run them the fuck over, Im shure going to. They only surf for one month in the fall anyway. Then its too cold for the rich kids.Have a good summer in Muskoka boys , See you in September
By Francois LeClerc
Charging hard and Dropping In - This is sooo sweet. I can't believe so many brah's from Ontario are gonna be ripping it up this summer. I'm representing the O-Town myself, talking bout Ottawa what! And we are known for our gnarliness. I used to go to Hawai'i all the time back in the day with my parents for vacation and I learned to surf there. I used to surf the Bonzai PiPelIne all the time. And this place called Waimeia Bay but you guys probably never heard of it, cuz Da Hui used to take me there and they would watch me drop in on the biggest waves! I'm all about making sick drop ins. Thats what i'm known for, my backside drop ins.Its pretty sick I must say. I also learned all the cool surf lingo while is was there. Like I know what a grommet is. And some day I'm gonna own a sick quiver. Pretty sick brah, pretty fucking sick. I heard there are some super aggro guys in the lineup there though. I think all you guys in Nova Scotia neeed is some sick Ontario surfers to come down and rip it up and give you guys some cool vibes. When we are in the water we are all about cheering each other on and hooting too. It fully gets everyone stoked. Like if I see my brah gettin barreled like I always used to at pipe, I'll be like "Hang Ten Brah" and he will will totally get super pumped up and freak out and rip up the wave while he's getting barrelled. They call me the Barrell King. One time me and my parents went on vacation to Tahiti and I got totally shaked at Teauphoo. I was fully in "the green room". That means your gettin barrelled. And that's what I'm known for. Because when I get barrelled I like to bust airs. Like this one time I was in South Africa at this secret spot called J-Bay. You guys wouldn't know about it though cuz its a secret spot. So only a few chargers know. So I was there and I saw this lion fully swim out to the line up and totally bite a great white shark and then the shark freaked out and started puking everwhere. All over the lineup. I was so pumped up I almost kicked my brah in the face. Anyways I was there because my parents heard about this secret spot and they wanted to go on vacation there, so they took me to J-Bay. And I met this pro surfer there and he said I surfed better than half the guys on the pro tour. And I was like yea I know man, thats why I am the king of busting airs. Then he saw me bust a sick air that they used on the inside cover of Trans World Surf, but ya can't really see my face because i'm looking down, but its fully me brah. I can't wait to get to Nova Scotia and fully charge all the super secret points. One time I was in Costa Rica and I was surfing this super secret beach break called Jaco. And it was like 5 times overhead. And everybody that was there broke their boards except me cuz people say I am super sick at riding beach break, which is pretty sick. Then I met this super cool ultra brah, Chuck E Cutback. He is the hardest charger ever and then he took me to this super expensive bar that you have to be VIP to get in called the Beatle Bar. And these Costa Rican girls were totally all over me. They totally loved me cuz they would all come up to me and start talking to me. I think someone told them about my super sick surfing skills cuz I fully could have made out with anyone of them. They were all virgins too. Fully! Well peace for now brahs! Ontario reperesenting in the line up this summer 4 sho! Westside!
no title - hey rad dudes my name is sven im from the toronto i'm commin to surf the breaks brah. my daddy wanted me to go work for his investment company but i was like noway holie i dont want your life. so im takin my new jeep yj and my brandnew 10'0 ci longboard and goin to nova scotia to get rad. i hear that there is some ontario surf club/new car club. the best part is that all u need is shaggy hair, some rad flowerd bordies and a new car from mommy and daddy, so basically im in. I rip on kelly slater pro surfer plus i have tones of surfer mags not to mention i have all the jack johnson and ben harper cd's so when you see be stompin a rad 720 monkeyman youll know u cant mess with this. well i have to goto taco bell now and get my rad meal in for the day before i go meet the fam at the country club. rad dude extreme
By muda fuca
re: Surfing is Surreal - you should shoot yourself in the face
What The? - You people arn't serious, are you?
Surfing is Surreal - Hey bra this is soooo sweet. I'm from timmons, ont. and some of my buddies from dal were telling me all about this "surfers paradise" called lawrencetown to dude. I am moving to Halifax to in two weeks, me and three of my bra's. This summer is gonna be so sick and epic its gonna be insane. Dude that beamer is gonna be a sweet surfing ride. My brother lives in cali and says he has to beat the babes off of it. I am thinking of renting a sick ride to something that's good for holding surfboards like a that new audi suv or a little convertable dude, this summer is gonna be so awsome i can't wait. My friends were tell me all about these secret places that go off hard like every day! Only the real chargers around nova scotia even paddle out at these places and there's only a couple of them i heard. These dudes are super gnarly and just beat the waves to death. Dude i am even thinking of moving to ns to go to university next year so i can surf every day. Dude i am so stocked to hear someone from home is gonna be out with me, maybe you can teach me to carve it up!:) My brother wears those webbed gloves to and says they are killer. They make you go so fast you think you have a motor on your board. Dude email me as quick as you can and we'll be shreddin it up in ns before you know it!
By Jonny Rocket
Off The Hook This Year! - This surf season is gonna be off the hook this summer. Tons of super seshies with my super brah's and we will be totally killing it at L-Town point. My brah Dylan did a sick of the lip yesterday at this new secret spot in Eastern Passage. He fully tossed buckets. It was sick brah. This year we will have more brahs then ever ripping it up at L-Town, busting sick airs, and getting tubed left and right. My other brah Christian pulled off this sick floater at the Moose last week when Surfer Mag was there. And then Billabong was like will you ride for us, and he was all like get out of my face dude, i'm not your brah. He is a core surfer fully. Not about the image brah. Well I'm gonna go set my alarm for dawn patrol brah.~ Lates ~
Proper surfers? - How would Michael Schumacher feel if you drove out onto the course in your Fiat Panda. Nevermind the rest of the drivers. The water is meant for shortboarders. Everything else is an ornament for the top of your gay car.
By Rons Electric Tuner
Unreal - What a bunch of dicks. If you guys spent as much time surfing as you do talking shit, You'd all be pro. Surfing some warm water break in the south. So stop whinning about rich kids from Upper Canada or Alberta. Stop running your mouths about how cool surfing is and maybe the line-ups wont be so crowded. Just get out there and surf , cause fuck its Hella fun.
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