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Teiki Mathieu Baillan surfing a self-made Alaia surfboard in Lances Left, Mentawaï, Indonesia. Photo by C. Naslain, 2009.
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Kaisers=High school hangout - Kaisers is such a waste of time. On a normal day, it's 20 groms scrapping over the same peak, only to pump once and then throw a shitty air or 360. (Woa, bra! You're so progressive!) But seriously, every time I paddle out I've encountered the worst attitudes on Oahu. Kaisers is nothing but cliques of locals, most of whom are punk-ass high schoolers who have a beating coming to them one of these days, and all of whom think they're WAY better than they actually are. Do yourself a favor and leave the babies in their playpen, go find a peak at Ala Moana, and have a session free of wannabe-pro, haole-hating, douchebags.
Kaiser's Rules - If you don't know what a Shaka Bitch is you will never understand why the boyz get so angry at Kaiser's. A Shaka Bitch is the guy/girl that acts all friendly then tries to snake you or drop in on you every wave. There are plenty of Shaka Bitches that come out to Kaiser's. They see you paddling deeper to the spot, know you are going to make it and still try and paddle for the wave, they don't take turns and never hook up a friend by just sitting there and letting the other guy have the wave, they drop in on the boyz coming out of the little tube on the left with big longboard and then fall when they see you. If it is the boyz that have the bad attitude then why is it that when it is just us we have a blast, take turns, get tubes and talk story, etc...but when the others are out they always ruin the whole scene? If you are getting abused or hassled at Kaiser's trust me it is you!
fricken haole - 20 years ago I used to dawn Kaisers every day, all year round before I started commuting, then moving to The Country...You could get in an hour or so before it would get too packed out with Da Boyz who would burn anyone not in their circle, like most waves around the world that close to that many people...After it would get too busy, a paddle over to Rockpiles or InBetweens if it was big enough would reward you with another few hours of fun, sometimes really good waves...I can not imagine what its like over there now with all the forecasting, and over the top marketing that has turned surfing into soccer, fishing, football, you name the average activity people are doing...The unwritten rules are no longer passed down as people start surfing at a later age, so gone are the days of groms learning manners from the older guys in the lineups...It is still and always will be a total obsession for me, I just spend a lot of money on plane tickets and trying to find somewhere without all the people and trouble........
just sad... - I've been surfing Kaisers since I was little and it's just become sad. I can without a doubt say that the experiences I've had there have made me lose faith in humanity. I find the disregard for others and the general self-absorbed attitude in the lineup to be disgusting. I'd be surprised to learn that anyone, especially the groms and high school kids, have any grasp of common courtesy or manners. The older guys (this is you, JR) are no exception to the constant snaking, cutting off, finger-pointing, and verbal abuse either. To see "locals" (many of the older asian guys seem to think they're tough hawaiians, so I use the quoations) reproach guys and girls alike in the most disrespectful way for even minor incidents is just plain lame. It's even more deplorable to see someone apologize politely for an honest mistake, only to be yelled at, cussed at, and have the occasional "fawkin' haole" thrown in their faces. Hey, but don't get me wrong, haole and locals alike are guilty of this shitty atmosphere. I can only hope that anyone who acts like this and happens to come across this comment might decide to tone it down a little, but fuck, who knows? I have a feeling it'll just keep getting worse and worse until someone loses it (ahem JR).
south shore - I don't know why anyone would come here for a surf trip. It is crowded, expensive, and the waves are horrible. I wish I would've stayed home and gotten better waves then this tourist infested joke of a city.
Sharks - I saw a big fricken shark in the channel... paddling back from 4s wen had west wrap last week.
no problemo - i don't know why everyone complains... i'm a haole and surf there and as long as you give everyone respect and follow etiquette every is fine. the people at kaisers are great surfers and you can learn alot watching them
all that being said... - ...i can understand why the locals get so frustrated. i would too if the waves at my home were literally PACKED during all hours of the day for months at a time, even on small days, and even more choked when the waves get good. the fact that the peak is so perfect every time is what makes it so hectic. everyone knows where and how it will break...every single friggen time! i lived on the south shore for 2 summers and never got one of those perfect rights. if you think it's "not that crowded", just check it out. pure craziness.
- I am a pretty mellow surfer myself but some of these "locals" need to chill out. There are alot of times they think they got the right away even though they clearly don't. I care if you have been surfing the spot for 30 years, go by the rules of surfing. If someone takes off on the peak, don't take off on the shoulder and expect to get the wave. If I was back at my local spot in SO CAL I wouldn't take all the waves just cuz I live there. Be fair and be cool.
Kaisers!! - Dude-this waves throws out such a machine-like perfect tube section that you don't even have to know how to surf to get a clean in&out!!! The only hard (impossible) part is catchin one with all the angry locals out there!
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