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Teiki Mathieu Baillan surfing a self-made Alaia surfboard in Lances Left, Mentawaï, Indonesia. Photo by C. Naslain, 2009.
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By Manuel Escudero
- Hey Barty, my wife is going to send me down to Dominican at this rate. Now shes nagging at me about cleaning the chicken coop, that hag. I told her God Damn it Esther, I'll clean the damn coops when I get back. She wont shut her fat face for one moment, you know what Barty, shes got her pink rollers on too tight, thats the problem. Im leaving now old pal.
Bart - Bart was that you? Put your name in there somehwere you old salt dog. This is Manny, yes, I will be with my dog Enzo at the corner pocket at 11:00, lets go for a walk, then to the Over the Hill, my goddamn wife wont shut her damn mouth blah blah blah water the squash, put the toilet set up, make sure you feed the birds, the avocado tree looks swollen, you see what I have to put up with
Manny - Manny you olde dog how the hell are ya, well goddamn I'm about to really strangle the necks of these fish and game bastards, the goddamn salmon season is closed, goddamn activists, no salmon comin up the river, aint what it used to be, then you got these whipper snappers runnin around making a big ruckus everywhere, with their skateboards and graffiti, say Manny, meet me down at the corner pocket around 11:00
Manuel Escudero - Bart is that you? Its Manny. Are you going to Over the Hill Gang? My wife, that devil woman is trying to kill me with her nagging and I need to get out of the goddamn house. I tell you Barty, she is trying to get me to have a stroke, luckily I have my medical marijuana so I can control my blood pressure. Im going to take Enzo for a walk down the street, I'll meet you at the corner pocket in about 15 minutes?
By Bartholomew Russell Essex III
- Alright you little whipper snapper, Mr. Matthew Schrodetz is that you? What did I tell you about harassing those kind people from San Jose. You should know better by now, thats no way for a Santa Cruzian to act these days. We would all be homeless without their money.
Well my dog Jeffrey and I took a walk down at Santa Mo's the other day, boy I had my metal detector and I really got some good stuff. I found a camera, its lets see here, a canon powershot sd780IS, I bet I can sell this gizmo down at the Soquel flea market for a couple bucks. Well, time to go to the Over the Hill Gang to get a couple beers, what else is a 65 year old man supposed to do
eastside rules - saw someone get punched 2 days ago at 1 st peak kooks beware .paddle down to 38 remember you might get punched there 2.better yet start kitesurfing its way easier and you will still think your cool. non local traveling surfer who believes in localism it is thier wave maggots get the leftovers.
that one tweaker - that one tweaker
anyone ever encountered that one dude i think his name is dan? usually seen lurking out between rockview and the stairs at sewer peak. i nominate him for the award of santa cruz's loudest, dirtiest, tweakiest, lurkiest, creepiest, guy who loves to yell "maggots!" hes got real dark crusty skin, sometimes wheres a hat. dark hair, meth eyes, looks like hes listened to one too many social d records. haha, yeah that guys a real character. another winner you bred there santa cruz, keep it up! and all you punk ass grom teenagers take a note from this guy. dont grow up to be like him although you probably won't have much of a choice.
By Jim Guy
Santa Cruz is Great! - Don't be scared of the locals. They are not that bad. In three years I had only been told that I would be killed for surfing at the Lane 15 times. But only twice did somebody actually try and kill me. They may be mean but only semi dangerous!
By Bartholomew Russell Essex III
The real Santa Cruz insider info - I am a local here and I have lived here my whole life, and at 65 thats a long time. Dont believe all that good stuff you hear about SC waves being really epic and consistent. I hear visiting surfers always complaining about the inconsistency, plaguing onshores, and crappy weather. When Im having my Acai smoothie and walking my dog Jeffrey in the typical foggy morning down at the Chill Out cafe, it kills me to see these visitor surfers all bummed out all the time,I tell them, "Hey, you should have gone to Newport. The girls are way hotter and way more down to earth there, its sunny, and uncrowded with goood waves." I was even chatting with Kalani Robb recently, and he was like, "Yea, man its so cold and the waves are so small, how do you guys do it?" And I told him, "well son, when youre old and crusty like me, all you have to do is grab a metal detector -- me an ole Jeffrey here go down to 26th Ave an have ourselves a blast." Then we just laughed and walked down to the hook to discuss how bocce ball would be a terrific Olympic sport. Here in SC it is not uncommon to have frequent flat spells lasting as long as 6 weeks, even during the winter time. Thats why you always see locals drinking beer, skateboarding, and fog bathing. Its foggy at least 300 days a year. It just doesnt get that good at all. Maybe it will turn on about 10 days out of the year, but then what are you supposed to do during the other 355 days? Magazines and the like might tell you different, but they are trying to generate tourism and money. Dont be fooled! Santa Cruz waves, when they do turn on those 10 days a year, are thin lipped and weak, where all the pros can practice their skateboard skills. The biggest it ever gets here in town is 5 foot. Thats why SC is known for aerials. No hollow waves exist here! This place is a bad place to be a surfer. The reason why all the locals are always so pissed is because there are no waves!!! How would you feel if you could only surf 10 days a year? For you non surfers, think of it like this: what if you had a really hot girlfriend who lived in Bali but you can only have sex with her in spirit? Yea, now you can really see what I mean.
tasty meth? - i heard that all the pro guys up in SC are into meth. is that true? i mean, i dont beleive it! the pros up in sc like flea, barney, rat, mole, rabbit, snake, roach, oppossum, raccoon, and coyote, are all such nice, clean cut american boys. they dont appear to be on meth at all. meth makes you happy, smile, and give waves to fellow surfers. besides sleep is overated
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